Never Gone
by TissuePaperWings
Summary: Inspired by the song "Never gone" by Colton Dixon. Yukio and Rin get in a fight before a battle that turns out horribly wrong. No one saw it coming and can't help the blame being thrown around. Warnings: character death and OOCness (?) and minor usage of the F-word.


Okay... so here i was, about to go to bed when i plug in my iPod to charge and it just randomley starts playing "Never gone" by colton Dixon. So naturally, my plot bunnies decide they have an idea i just have to writ, right now. -.- So anyways...

I really really hated writing this story. i'm not one for this kind of stories usually... but uhg. stupid plot bunnies.

it may not be good. i didn't spend too much time going over it. but yeah!

- TPS

* * *

Never Gone:

**Lights off, a shot in the dark  
We get lost when we're playing a part**

It was dark. So dark. Why did I ever agree to this mission? I knew we were dysfunctional right now, but this was ridiculous. Rin won't even look at me. He's still mad at me. The fight we had not even an hour ago was still fresh in our minds. It was so stupid. I was jealous. So jealous. Rin had been spending more time with his new cram school friends, and less time with me. I just wanted more time with him. But I let it out with anger. I took it out on him. Rin had just been defending himself. But that was what made me even angrier. He doesn't even know what he did wrong! _Nothing. He did nothing wrong._ It was just me being jealous.

"_I wish you weren't my brother!"_ my words spewed in the heat of the moment. Totally and completely untrue. How I wish I could just take those six words back.

But here we are now. In the midst of battle; I'm running low on bullets and the team was running low on energy. We were confused. Our whole team was blindsided. It was an ambush that we were extremely unprepared for. And there was Rin; taking stupid and outrageous risks. Half his moves provided for nothing. But in the meanwhile, he took just as much damage which he could have easily avoided. _Is he doing this on purpose!?_ And I, trying not to think of my own turmoil, but instead trying to act like the leader I am and not getting anyone killed.

All of the few lights went out suddenly, pitching us in complete darkness. A scream. Rin's scream. I shot out wildly. _Crack! _Another scream. A demon's scream. The lights came back on.

Rin, lying there. In a pool of his own blood.

**We lay blame like we know what's best  
... It's a shame...**

This is a joke. A cruel cosmic joke. It has to be. It can't be real. It can't be real that I'm kneeling here, Rin's limp, lifeless, bloody body in my lap. It can't be real that the battle still raged around me. It can't be real that Rin could NOT wake up, no matter how much I called out to him.

"Rin! RIN!"

"Why the hell weren't you guys in formation!" I yelled. This was their entire fault. Their fault.

They stood around me. All except Sheimi, who was looking over Rin. They cringed. "If you guys were doing what you were supposed to do, no one would have gotten hurt! Have our teachings amounted to nothing!? You're supposed to be stronger then this! You're supposed to have each other's backs! What the hell guys!?" I yell at them from my knees at Rin's side. I know it's wrong to yell at them like this, but I can't stop the words. I can't stop the blame. It was all their fault. Anyone's but my own.

"What the hell to _you_, Sensei! This isn't fair and you know it! We're only Exwires. We did our best!" Bon yelled. _Why does he have to be right every time?_

"You're best wasn't good enough!" I snap back. How dare they not take the blame. How selfish.

"Yuki-Chan…" I turn to glare at her. "Yuki-Chan… this isn't anyone's fault and you know it. And anyways… he's not dead… yet."

"What!?"

"He's in critical condition. He might make it if we hurry."

**We break when we fall too hard  
Lose faith when we're torn apart  
Don't say you're too far gone  
It's a shame  
It's a shame**

(3 years later)

I enter quietly into the room. It's so quiet. It would unnerve anyone, but not me. It's always this quiet. The room was dark too. Not too dark I couldn't see, but dark enough for someone to be asleep. The thing that got people the most, though, was the staleness in the air. The air was old, unmoving. It smelled like death. Wait, that was wrong. So far from the truth. There was someone alive. A someone hooked up to machines and wires and tubes. The sound was only interrupted by the quiet _beep beep_ of the heart monitor.

None of this got to me, though. I just smiled and said "good morning, Nii-san."

"Yukio-San, we need to start looking into opening up that room to other patients. Rin is taking up much needed space." The doctor told me. He looked fine enough. He was young, mid-twenties probably. Bespectacled and clean shaven.

"That's okay if you want to room Rin up with somebody. The company would probably do him some good." I say, a gentle smile upon my lips.

"You don't understand, Yukio-San. When I say freeing up the room… I mean taking the boy off the machines."

"But doesn't he need those machines to breathe and stuff?" I'm confused. Why would they want to take Rin off his life source?

"Yukio…" the man forwent the honorific, making me a little more irritated, "that's exactly it. We would take Rin off the machines. He would die, and he can finally be at rest." The doctor finished quietly.

It took a few minutes for the truth of the doctor's words to hit me. Then, "WHAT!? WHY!? YOU… YOU WANT TO _KILL _RIN!? He's still alive! You can't just… you just can't do that!"

"Yukio… please try to understa-"

"Yukio-san." I say.

"What?" the man seems confused.

"You keep leaving off the honorific. It's rude."

"Okay… Yukio-_san_, when your brother received those injuries three years back, the stress of the trauma put him into a coma. He has not woken up since then. It's been_ three years. _He's not going to wake up. He's gone, Yukio-_san."_

I get up into his face. His shirt balled in my fists. "You listen, and listen well, you will NOT take Rin off those machines. You will not touch him except for normal doctor's duties. Are we clear?"

"Yukio-san-"

"ARE WE CLEAR!?" I shout in his face.

"Yes, sir…"

**I'm still standing here  
No I didn't disappear  
Now the lights are on  
See I was never gone**

(A week later)

"Yuki-chan…"

"Please… don't say it. Please not you too…" I say, my voice cracks from the emotion. They're all here. All of the ex-cram school students. Even though they've all graduated high school, they still live close by. They still visit Rin once or twice a week. And we are still a team.

Bon steps forwards, pushing the crying Sheimi a little out of the way. "Yukio… it's over. He's gone. We've all accepted it long ago. You're just hurting everyone, yourself, and even Rin by dragging this out. You have got to just let go."

I look down at my hands resting in my lap. I'm sitting in my usual chair next to Rin's bed. "I… Can't. I can't just 'let go'. Guys… he's all the family I have left. He's my twin brother. My best friend and I… I just can't stop thinking that this is all my fault!" A sob retches up my throat as my shoulders hunch over in grief. "We got in a fight before the mission. It was a silly fight blown way out of proportion. And the whole reason was because I was fucking jealous. I just wanted to spend more time with him. Now look, look at what my jealousies caused. Rin is in a fucking coma because of me."

"Look, dude, it's not your fault. It was that stupid ambush-" Shima was cut off.

"And who led that mission!? Me! I was disorganized. I was too in my own thoughts I didn't prepare you guys for an ambush that was so obvious! It's all my fucking fault!" more cursed sobs rack through my body. And suddenly I can't hold back the tears. Tears aren't new. But tears in front of people, well that's a first.

Sheimi starts crying again, "Y-yuki-chan… that's all in the past now. It wasn't anyone's fault. We were all out of it that day. But it doesn't matter now…"

"Yeah, the only thing that's important now is the issue at hand." Izumo backs her up.

"It's time to let Rin go. He's gone." Bon finishes with a whisper.

I look up at all those faces. Faces of my teams. Faces of my friends. Faces of my family. Family. No. My family is and only will be "Rin."

**I let go of your hand  
To help you understand  
With you all along  
Yeah, I was never gone**

_(Next day)_

"Are you sure with this, Yukio-San" the same doctor as before asks me. He's surprised. He didn't expect my change of heart.

"No. But I can't help it," I say solemnly, "He's gone."

**There's space between our lives  
Hard to face, but I know we try  
To revive, bring it back to life  
Don't walk away  
Don't walk away**

_(Next day)_

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _I listened one last time to the mechanical sounds of the heart monitor. I sat there one last time in the stake room that smelled like death. I held his hand one last time. The doctors were waiting to take Rin away. They stood outside the closed door, waiting for my goodbyes to end. But they don't understand. My goodbyes will never start. They will never end. I can never say enough. I have already said too many.

I looked down at his sleeping face. That was what it looked like to me. Sleeping. Rin was just sleeping. But that wasn't true. It was death. Death being kept alive by sterilized air and liquid nutrients. But for the life of me, I just wanted Rin to wake up.

"Rin…" I whisper, "wake up. Please show them that they're wrong. You're still alive. Please, Rin please. Jut wake up." One last plead. A prayer said to deaf ears. There was no response. No answer. And I wasn't expecting any.

"Goodbye, Rin. I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry."

**I'm still standing here  
No I didn't disappear  
Now the lights are on  
See I was never gone**

The doctors came in, and with just a flip of a switch, Rin was dead. He was gone.

The doctors left with Rin on a gurney. Off to take him God only knows where. I don't care, really. That wasn't Rin. That lifeless, cold doll was not my Rin. My Rin was in my thoughts. My memories. He was so, so alive. Youthful. Healthy. This Rin was running, laughing, playing, crying, pranking, speaking. Happy.

**I let go of your hand  
To help you understand  
With you all along  
Yeah, I was never gone**

_(2 weeks later)_

"Yuki-chan… are you ok?" Sheimi asked. She stood, holding on my arm, dressed in a pretty black dress. Behind her stood the team, all of them equally dressed in the somber color. A somber color for a somber occasion.

"No… I won't be for a while, either." I say as we make our way to our seats in the front row. Behind us, filling the rest of the seats are friends, family, anyone who was close to Rin and I.

Sheimi nods, "That's ok. We're all here for you, Yuki-chan." I nod to, and reach down to give her hand a squeeze.

Are attention was quickly to the front of the church, as an elderly priest cleared his throat, "we have gather you all here today in loving memory of Rin Okumura…"

**I never ever left you  
Never ever left you, no (3x)**

It was over. All over. The ceremony and everything. I stood alone at my twin brother's grave. The wind blew my hair into a mess and the sun was setting but I didn't care. I stared at the tombstone in front of me that read _Rin Okumura_, his birthdate and death date.

He was buried under a cherry tree. Stupid tree was in bloom the middle of fall… a late bloomer. Somehow, I could only think that it fits.

I looked up to the sky and closed my eyes. I imagined his face. His voice. His laugh. His everything. Tears leaked through my lashes but I didn't care. I saw Rin. He was standing next to Father. The both smiled. _'we're okay.'_ Words that were passed on in their eyes.

"I never ever left you…" I heard, softly, faintly. I jumped at Rin's voice. Then I settled. I took a deep breath and realized he was right. Rin never left me. He's been here, with me all along. In my memories. And in my heart.

**I'm still standing here  
No I didn't disappear  
Now the lights are on  
See I was never gone**

**I let go of your hand**  
**To help you understand**  
**With you all along**  
**Yeah, I was never gone (2x)**


End file.
